July 11 2018: doctor’s orders

We’d invited ideas for a well known song title to help mark the NHS’s 70th birthday. From a Spoonful of Sugar to Lily the Pink, blog readers perfectly took the pulse.

Other suggestions ranged from Sisters (“there were never such devoted sisters”) – proving that Keith Stoker’s old enough to remember the Beverleys – to Money (“Give me money”) most appropriately from my wife.

Several proposed Getting Better by the Beatles, others I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. Nigel Brierley and Neil McKay prescribed anything by Dr Feelgood.

Ebac Northern League president George Courtney proved a true blues man by nominating Lean On Me by Bill Withers.

Norman Robinson’s homophonic echoing of the Town End choir at Hartlepool United – Poorly Till I Die – might have been accompanied by an earlier Hartlepool anthem, Never Say Die.

Keith Stoker’s other suggestions included I Feel Fine, another Beatles number, A Spoonful of Sugar and even the Hypochondriac Song, originally warbled by Burl Ives and subsequently by every junior doctor in the land.

Another One Bites the Dust (Queen) must be supposed not in the spirit of the occasion.

Norman’s prescriptive list also included The First Cut is the Deepest (Rod Stewart), Needles and Pins (Searchers), Build Me Up Buttercup (Foundations) I Can See Clearly Now (Johnny Nash after a cataract job) and from the orthopaedic department, Dem Bones – the Rosemary Clooney version, he insists.

Steve Wolstencroft’s health check played on words, if not wards, proposals ranging from I’m Going to Make You a Scar to Intravenus in Blue Jeans.

What also of See You Later Defibrillator, Don’t Stand So Colostomy (aaaarrrgh!), Gimme Gimme Gimme a Pan After Midnight and Innoculations. Think Cliff, adds Steve.

Then something more holistic – shall we say  from Gary Brand, whose daughter works at Great Ormond Street hospital in London and was taught to perform CPR to the highly appropriate beat of Staying Alive, by the Bee Gees.

It’s mentioned to Tow Law Town FC secretary and long serrving former Durham police officer Steve Moralee – who’d proposed the Hospital Song by 10CC. In Durham Constabulary, says Steve, they were taught to think Nellie the Elephant when doing CPR.

“You never forgot,” he adds, as elephants – of course – don’t.

Thanks to all who contributed. It’s been an absolute tonic.