October 12 2017: Loony tunes

Tuesday’s blog pondered the rise in double barrelled surnames, fielded a hyphenated Northern League X1 and still missed out one or two. Branndon Fearns-Kennedy, it’s pointed out, has recently joined Alnwick. Where, come to that, is Aristote Guerin-Lokonga these days?

There was a remarkable coincidence: that night’s England Under 21 team in Andorra gave them both barrels in triplicate – Kyle Walker-Peters of Spurs, Everton’s Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Ainsley Maitland-Niles from the Arsenal all started the match.

Is this a record for any English side, national or club? Has anyone access to the Association of Football Statisticians? It would be good to know if there’ve been any greater connections.

Around here, the first hyphen-hero who came to mind was Trevor Dixon-Cave, Horden’s goalkeeper in the 1970s. Grass Routes regular Keith Stoker attended Washington Grammar Technical School with the lad, remains a Facebook friend, remembers when he he was simply Trevor L D Cave, son of Cyril and Lillian.

“I once asked Cavey why the change. He said it was his dad’s idea. His dad changed, too, of course.”

Others go to far greater lengths. Some do things in triplicate, a few – like the MP Richard Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax have gathered three hyphens along life’s way.  Since that’s an even bigger mouthful than a Whickham pie – and Whickham pies really are a mouthful these days – he’s generally just known as Richard Drax.

The record’s probably held by the former Monster Raving Loony Party candidate born John Lewis – not as in the stores, presumably – who by deed poll changed his name to Tarquin Fin-Tim-Lin-Bin-Whin-Bim-Lim-Bus-Stop-F’tang-F’tang-Ole-Biscuitbarrel.

Happily, the gentleman never seems to have played football. It would ne an awful lot to get on the back of a shirt.

The Loonies have just held their annual conference in Blackpool, agreed that morris dancing should become an Olympic sport, seem to have spent much of the rest of the time on a Wetherspoons pub crawl.

Their slogan’s now “Vote for insanity.” Most of us seem to have been doing that for ever.

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