October 10 2017: double meaning

That Peter Glen-Ravenhill scored for Whitley Bay tonight is doubtless no great surprise – any more than goals last Saturday for Billy Greulich-Smith of Shildon and the prolific Ben Dibb-Fuller at Team North.

Since he plays for Newton Aycliffe, Andrew Grant-Soulsby may regret also being listed among last weekend’s scorers – an own goal for Ryhope CW.

What clearly they have in common is that all have double barrelled (or should that be double-barrelled?) surnames.

A hyphentaed moniker was once deemed the preserve of the upper classes, like (say) Augustus Fink-Nottle in the Jeeves stories. Said to be “a teetotal bachelor with a face like a fish”, Gussie Fink-Nottle was quite recently compared by the writer Max Hastings to Boris Johnson.

The Foreign Secretary is neither a bachelor nor teetotal. Whether he has a face like a fish is for others to decide.

Back in more single minded days, the only Northern League player with a double barrelled surname may have been Trevor Dixon-Cave, Horden’s long serving goalkeeper. Quite likely he was a pit yacker like most of the others, but he didn’t half sound upper crust.

These days the Ebac Nothern League can just about field a Double Barrelled X1, so there must be hundreds of them down south.

On top of the four already mentioned, there’s Josh Home-Hackson (Ryhope CW), Oscar Mainer-Stone (North Shields), Bruno Mendes-Correia and Eamon Nugent-Doyle of West Allotment Celtic, Joseph Scaife-Wheatley of Thornaby, Kieran Duffy-Weekes of Newton Aycliffe amd true blue Andrew Murray-Jones at Penrith.

No goalie among that lot. Where’s Trevor Dixon-Cave when you need him?

Joseph Scaife-Wheatley is, I think, a scion of the family once headed by unforgettable Whitby Town chairman Bob Scaife – the only man to gain three stones on a sponsored slim – and his son Bobby, a successful manager at Dunston, Billingham Synners and elsewhere.

Bruno Miguel Gustavo Mendes-Correia may have the most splendoured name of all.

Perhaps the trend towards hyphenated surnames is simply a desire to reflect marital equality. Perhaps it’s because the parents aren’t married.

No doubt all of them are good, down-to-earth North-East lads. Any more examples? Give it both barrels, guys.